Sleep, from my earliest conscious memory, was forever a disturbed, nightmare plagued ordeal for me. I’d wake up screaming for fear of ghosts, witches, monsters, and myriad other unknown creatures that my overactive imagination would concoct. My eyes were very weak since I was born and to compensate, my other senses were perhaps on overdrive. In my half blind existence, and despite my parents’ extensive efforts to procure the best in treatments and glasses, I nonetheless felt haunted at all times by things I saw and sensed. Thus, I grew up an oddball tortured kid with the large glasses, always scared and always trying to find a safe spot to hide from the world.

When I turned nine, Burhanuddin Moula RA blessed us with his presence at our home and stayed in my parents’ newly built home for three days and two unforgettable nights. I got the opportunity of performing talaqqi, (and literally “bumped” into) Moulana RA many times during those three magical days. Needless to say—although it took my weak humanly nazar three decades of hindsight to fully appreciate—in that trip, Moula RA left an enormous indelible effect on us and our generations to come.

Rather, I would take it further and say that I felt that Moula RA came to Peshawar for me. And I know that every member of our tiny jamaat will stake the same claim, and hold the conviction that Moula RA made the trip precisely to save them or make them whole. We all know that, that is the wonderful effect of our Moula; we each feel like the most special one despite standing in a sea of people. Every nazar seems like it is crafted for us and for us alone. Every word is a direct dialogue with us as an individual, personalized towards what ever questions we have in our minds during waaz.

In that safar to our humble but proud town—proud to have had the honor of hosting Burhanuddin Moula RA thrice in a jamaat that on a good day would swell to but five thaals—an image of Moula RA sticks in my mind. My cousin and I were outside playing our usual games in the large gardens that surrounded our homes within the larger gated compound, when we found ourselves in the portion that extended towards Moulana’s RA room. As we ran around to the back, we saw Moula RA in the study through the large windows sitting on a rocking chair with Quran Majeed in hand. On hearing us outside, Moula RA looked up and smiled at us the most beautiful smile, filled with warmth and tenderness.

In our infinite ill-manners and insane excitement at being noticed, my cousin and I started waving at Moula RA and He RA looked at us and waved back in the most lighthearted way I have ever seen Him RA be. We didn’t think much of it then, other than sharing our adventure for bragging rights with the younger cousins.

Little did I know, that since then that image of Moula RA, in the rocking chair waving at two bare footed, unrefined children with the most effortless love, will save me on so many different occasions.

I now know that the day I remember standing and weeping, as Moula’s RA car pulled out of our garage, was in fact the day the healing began and the nightmares receded. I would, by the pure intuition of a survivor of horrors, conjure up that memory every time I was scared. I grew stronger in my faith as time went by, as I headed into the world with uncertain steps. With that barakat, I learnt how to follow my heart in matters of deen and duniya. I’ve been lucky and blessed beyond my wildest dreams, in my personal and professional life.

I was sure that my nightmares would one day kill me in my sleep; but since 1987 I have been sleeping like a rock. My friends at college would have to poke me routinely to check that I was alive, due to my infamous heavy sleep.

A miracle was recently defined by Mufaddal Moula TUS as the altering of a state from what it was, to something else.

I know now that back then Moula RA, with his noorani nazar, had seen my entire person and whole life trajectory, and even today continues to look down upon me with that same smile and effortless love.

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 Behn Hawra M. Zohair Harianawala

Houston, TX, USA

In the means of shukr and zikr, anyone who is willing to share his/her’s acquaintance, incident or any experience with Moulana Muqaddas RA or Moulana Mufaddal Saifuddin TUS can mail it to dm@tazkerat.org & md@tazkerat.org. 

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